7 ways to help a NICU mom
Editor Note: September is NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) Awareness Month so we tapped CityMom Kira (whose daughter, now four, was a NICU baby) to share a list of things that made a difference to her family as they navigated that difficult time.
I was 34 weeks pregnant with my first child when the doctor came into the labor triage room and told my husband and I that we were going to have to deliver our baby prematurely. This meant she would spend a considerable amount of time in the NICU. We weren’t prepared for an on-time baby, let alone a preemie, and as we discovered: NICU journeys are an emotional rollercoaster. There were definitely things that friends and family did to help us on that bumpy ride.
Here are seven ways you can offer to help a NICU mom:
1. Feed the mama.
It’s common to make or bring food to new parents’ homes, but what if they won’t be there? Sending NICU parents gift cards to places that deliver and have online ordering is the best thing you can do. (Bonus: They don’t have to do dishes!)
2. Help with things at home.
Parents need to be able to focus on being at the NICU with their new baby. Offer to help with pets to save them a trip or two. Mowing the lawn or taking care of snow removal is also a great relief for tired parents. If they left in a hurry, it’s likely there is a list of “before-baby-to-dos” that weren’t tackled, ask to help knock out those tasks!
3. Pick up some things they (likely) need.
Though they will likely not ask you to buy anything, that doesn’t mean they have everything they need. From breastfeeding or bottle supplies to preemie-sized clothes - picking up a few items off their list will mean a lot.
4. Show the love.
A NICU mama is a stressed mama. Check on her, tell her you love her, and - even if you haven’t been in her shoes - let her know she’s not alone. She may not respond (because, you know, the baby), but she will see it at 11 pm after a long day and appreciate the thought.
5. Ride out the grief.
Parents with NICU babies are emotionally taxed. Every day is different and not all of them are good. Mom is probably grieving the loss of a “normal” delivery experience and depending on the medical conditions involved (in addition to giving birth!) - she’s recovering from that as well. While you may be tempted to offer advice and encouragement, what she may really need is someone to listen to her.
Read Kira’s Story…
6. Keep coming back.
In the beginning, many people offer help and support, but after a week or two, they drop off. Moms can be left feeling deserted, especially as some babies have long NICU stays. Keep coming back to check in, talk, or help in any way you can..she may say she doesn’t need anything, but sometimes knowing you’re there is enough.
7. Support the other parent.
This is about supporting NICU mamas, but often there is an additional parent or partner involved. They are both experiencing this NICU journey, maybe in different ways, but they also don’t have much time for each other. Helping both parents feel cared for keeps stress low for them.
