A Letter To My Soon To Be Kindergartener

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Dear Max:
This morning as I said good byes at your preschool, I got really choked up as I turned towards the door and looked back.  My heart lurched in my chest andI saw you graduating high school, headed off to college – it all FLASHED before my eyes like a lightning strike into your future. After you kissed my lips and squeezed my neck, you went about your day like a grown up.  You have things to do, a place to be, friends to catch up with after a long weekend with your parents.  You are literally growing up RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE second by second.  And, I have to walk away from you and the next time we see each other {only 8 hours from now}, you’ll be MORE grown up than when I left today.

On my way out, I stopped to chat with your teacher and I told her how I was feeling, and she said that even after dropping off her youngest of 6 kids to Kindergarten, she bolted from the building with tears in her eyes.  She said she cried all day and that the tears never seemed to stop.  

As I sit here typing this letter to you Max, the tears are pouring from my face and I have 4 months until that fateful day where you go off to your first day of “real school”, where your academic journey begins and independence takes over.  No more walking you to your mini-locker and tucking away your stuffed snake.  No more squeezes or gentle kisses and me saying You’re the bomb and you saying in perfectly timed response dot com at the blue line before I exit the building.  No more Hey mom with a wave and air blown kiss from your lips.  What happened to the years between 9/1/09 and today? I blinked.  

You became a soon-to-be-Kindergartener.  And YOU are ready. YOU want to ride the big yellow bus and get a new backpack and stuff it full of “real homework”.  YOU are rockin’ the things you need to know before you hit the Big K.  You have mastered talents and skills I had no idea you knew until you are showing off to your friends on a Saturday afternoon.  You are kind, funny, polite, suuuuuper smart, CONFIDENT and absolutely amazing.  I made you but YOU got yourself to this place of readiness to climb onto the bus and make new friends, learn new things and become a better, stronger version of yourself. 

In these last fleeting moments of slow rush-free mornings, I really try to remember that enjoying you and watching you grow up is my pleasure. 

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"You have made me the mother I am in this moment - on this day. I don't recognize myself sometimes but you make me more relevant."
It is to my benefit to embrace the change and grow WITH you.  From a tired, questioning-my -faith infant mom to a toddler tantrum-hating mom to a I-could-not-be-prouder-of-you-than-I am-today Mom, we got here together.  We are a team and we are both going to have to pull up our big kid undies and get excited for this major life moment.

You have made me the mother I am in this moment – on this day.  I don’t recognize myself sometimes but you make me more relevant.  I am more visible because of you.  I appreciate each day a little more because you are in it.  You make it easier to get up in the morning and go, so I can see you at the end of the day.  You teach me how the world works.  

That first day will cause tears to flow and make-up stained eyes to get red, and I may not leave the front porch until you get back off the bus; I cannot wait for you to tell me ALL about your new experiences and journey. So while that first day in August will be hard.  {After all, it’s the unknown that is scary and you have already taught me to be unafraid,} it is also going to be epic and profound and hard and life-altering for all of us and THAT is OK.  That’s how it is SUPPOSED to be.  I cannot wait to KNOW more than I do in this moment and for you to show me the way.  
I love you Max. Cheers to kindergarten. Love, Mom
Marcie is a hard-working mom of two who believes that all mothers can feel great & look great while doing-it-all. She is a stylist for Los Angeles based fashion house CAbi and is the owner of Easy Breezy Fashionista. Marcie has moved far away to Tampa, Florida; now you can find her blogging at Tampa Bay Moms Blog
Follow Marcie on Twitter and Instagram at @ebfashionista.

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