Get ready for your monthly does of expert advice from Licensed Counselor Amanda Luthe Campbell. We bet you can relate to this month's topic: annoying husbands and how to approach them! Remember to click on the link at the bottom of the blog to submit your questions for upcoming posts or visit www.busymomslifecoach.com
Ask Amanda: Help! I love my husband, but sometimes the things he does just annoy the crap out of me. How do I nicely tell him he's getting on my last nerve?
We all agree that we love our partners. And we can all agree that, at times, they can really get on our nerves!
We've all been there.
Trying to bite our tongues,
Dying to get something off our chest,
Walking around with gritted teeth wanting to give them an earful about something they've done.
Like how my husband leaves his size 12 shoes lying around and klutzy me trips over them.
Or how he leaves his phone on vibrate and I can't get a hold of him when I need him.
How he locks himself out of the apartment.
Today's Ask Amanda article gives some practical tips on letting go and what to say when that's hard to do. For more information, go to www.busymomslifecoach.com
To Speak Or Not To Speak...
One way to avoid a finger-pointing fight is to first decide if the behavior is even worth mentioning.
Picking up his shoes so I don't trip over them? No.
Turning his ringer on in case I need to contact him. Yes.
Locking himself out of the apartment on a lazy Sunday morning and waiting patiently for us to get home. No.
If it's not worth bringing up, find something to distract yourself until the annoyance passes.
If You Can't Say Anything Nice...
If you decide to say something, try these suggestions for taking the sting out of it.
Come to the table with some solutions.
Just expressing your feelings and pointing out a problem is not always enough to get your needs met.
Be clear and direct: "I feel overwhelmed when I have to cook dinner, do all the cleaning and the laundry. Can we divide the chores? I like to vacuum and cook, but I hate to dust. What would you be willing to do?"
Try the Sandwich Technique (read more HERE).
Let's say you're pregnant and your husband forgets about a load of laundry in the washer. Then, he just dries them anyway.
"Wow, my pregnant stomach couldn't handle the smell of those clothes in the dryer (positive because you're not blaming him).
"Next time, can you just wash them again before you dry them?" (positive because a criticism is turned into a polite question).
"That would be one less thing that makes me feel like I might throw up! Thanks! I appreciate your help!" (positive and add on a smile or hug).
Make It Fair
For lasting change to happen, there must be work on both parts. We have to hold ourselves to the same expectations.
On the flipside of those little digs at my husband, there are plenty of things I do that are equally irritating or senseless to him.
Annoying each other for over 15 years
Leaving my coffee mugs everywhere.
Doing things on my phone when he's trying to talk to me.
Weird high-maintenance female things that his male brain just doesn't grasp.
So, I just try to take a deep breath of humility and make sure I'm meeting my own standards.
How does your partner annoy you?
Share in the comments below!
For more expert advice visit www.busymomslifecoach.com
Thanks for taking the time,
Contact Amanda today to get started on the path to a happier, healthier you!
The advice offered in this column is intended for informational purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for any mental health treatment, financial, medical, legal, or other professional advice. If you have specific concerns or a situation in which you require psychological or medical treatment, you should consult with an appropriately trained and qualified specialist in your area. The opinions or views expressed in this column are not intended to treat or diagnose; nor are they meant to replace the treatment and care that you may be receiving from a licensed professional, physician or mental health professional. This column and its author are not responsible for the outcome or results of following any advice in any given situation. You, and only you, are completely responsible for your actions.
Amanda is a licensed counselor with a practice in Westfield, just north of Indianapolis. She counsels worry warts, distant couples & also offers online coaching packages for busy moms who want to have it all on their terms. She lives with her husband, two boys, and not-to-be-ignored cat Sphinx.